I’m still in a funk but recovering. I am starting to feel like a rational human being. I will return to normalcy – really! I’m not sure which is worse: severe depression or self-pity (or maybe they’re one and the same).
I am blessed to have the support of “friends” I haven’t seen in 50 years, 30 years and even last month. Great encouragement and in some cases, ass kicking. But what really made me implement the butt kicking happened this morning at the laundromat. Not exactly the classiest place to be, but when you run out of undies there are binary choices. Only one option is the least bit appealing. Hence the reference to “strangers.”
So I managed to get my act together (not to mention I had already scheduled the Mobility Bus) to go to the laundromat. This took some doing. I was at the change machine in the laundromat and one of the quarters it was dispensing fell on the floor. I knew it but continued collecting the change. I was going to pick up the one that dropped but before I could get to it, a total stranger reached down, picked it up and handed it to me. He even gave me nice smile. My first thought was “do I look that bad” but then I realized this gentleman was just being that, a gentleman. Honestly, he looked like he didn’t have very much, but he had kindness.
As I’m going about the miserable task of laundry, I dawned on me – you still have so much, maybe not is worldly things but intangibles. My little inner voice told be to “quit being a needy brat” “You have people who care; so quit abusing them and just be grateful.”
So I decided I needed to be a Big Girl, remember that this manic depression is caused by cancer treatment and live what life I may or may not have.
Thank you all (or y’all) & let me know when you have grown tired of me – I will shortly be back to my sarcastic self. It’s sure easier to be on the giving end of kindness than being embarrassed by being on the needy end. Thanks for the support.